WHITE HOUSE TELLS MEDIA HOW TO COVER BIDEN IMPEACHMENT
With moves by Republicans to impeach US President Joe Biden, the White House has drafted a letter to the media to direct them on how to properly scrutinize… the Republicans trying to impeach Joe Biden. ‘It’s time for the media to ramp up its scrutiny of House Republicans for opening an impeachment inquiry based on lies,’ said a White House spokesman. Outlets such as CNN and the Associated Press appear to have gotten the memo, figuratively and literally, and seem to be running interference for the president by making the rather outlandish claim that there is no evidence, despite whistleblowers, bank statements, and the infamous laptop of his son, Hunter Biden.
While we are not privy to the contents of this memo, we can present to you a loose summary of what it probably looks like:
Dear shills,
As you know, those vile and smelly Republicans have decided to impeach the president, which is something we would absolutely never do, definitely not twice. Until these racists can be brought to justice, we ask that all of you adhere to these strict rules when reporting, if you must do so at all:
Do not mention all the stuff Joe did
Do not mention those two times we impeached former President Donald Trump or the fact that he was acquitted because we just made stuff up
Definitely do not mention that we impeached Trump after he phoned up Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky asking about all that stuff Joe did
Emphasize that this impeachment is not LGBTQ friendly
Talk about COVID instead; we’re bringing that back soon
Yours sincerely,
Black Lives Matter and Burisma Head Office (formerly the White House)
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